I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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