life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
