this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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