Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
