dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dear god my vagina.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
