He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
