and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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