remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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