this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize