I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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