you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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