Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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