You're so nebulous sometimes
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
