no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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