No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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