My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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