Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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