epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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