did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i think im in europe. pls send help
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
