you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize