so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize