i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
