ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
