I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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