She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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