My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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