No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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