You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
