You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
