he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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