Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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