I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
