I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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