Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
