apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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