she looked like the before picture.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
