Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
