if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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