Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
