Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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