i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
