Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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