Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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