Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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