Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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