So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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