WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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