you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
