Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
