I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
