Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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