I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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