i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
