Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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