WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
