Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
