walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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