my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
