u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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