After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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