hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
