so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
