If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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