Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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