Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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