AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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