omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
