this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
