i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
