She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
