dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need moral support for this bender
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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