I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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