you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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