So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
