HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
