i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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