You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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