Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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