Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize