Sry I called you an 8
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
