what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
