dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
