just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
