how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
