I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize