It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
