the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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