Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I understand Curling. That high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
